


my tears ricochet

by orphan_account, roonilwazlib69



Series: folklore by taylor swift  (Wolfstar) [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Character Death, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Song: my tears ricochet (Taylor Swift), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:41:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26184379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/roonilwazlib69/pseuds/roonilwazlib69
Summary: I didn't have it in myself to go with grace'Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave.And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake?Cursing my name, wishing I stayed,Look at how my tears ricochet.In which Sirius is in his last moments and the most significant moments of his life flash before his eyes.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: folklore by taylor swift  (Wolfstar) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1892968
Comments: 3
Kudos: 17





	my tears ricochet

**Author's Note:**

> Once again, this part contains references to previous songs in the collection so be sure to go back and read from the beginning so everything makes sense. Enjoy! <3

** June 1996 **

He almost dodged the curse. Almost. It’s true what they say, you know, about your life flashing before your eyes when you die. 

_ The first thing he saw was his mother’s raised hand so close, too close, to Regulus’ face and watched, as an outsider, the way Sirius leaped in between them and took the beating for his brother.  _

_ He saw himself practising simple charms with his father’s old wand and counting down the days until he would finally start Hogwarts. _

_ That trip to Diagon Alley to collect his school supplies that even Walburga’s wretched temper couldn’t ruin. _

_ The Hogwarts Express, when he locked eyes with a boy sporting the messiest hair he had ever seen and crooked glasses to match, and knew immediately that they would be the best of friends. _

_ Being sorted into Gryffindor and searching the Slytherin table for the disapproving glares he knew would face him.  _

_ Those first few weeks in the dorm room with James, Peter and Remus, planning juvenile pranks and laughing until their sides hurt and their chests ached.  _

_ Christmases at Hogwarts, where he found out that most children did get presents and was shocked to find that his friends had gotten him some, too. _

_ Regulus arriving at Hogwarts and, despite all of his brother’s prayers and silently pleas, being sorted into the House of the Snake. _

_ Quidditch tryouts in second year where he, regrettably, crashed and burned. James smashed it though, and when James was happy, Sirius was happy. _

_ The early versions of the Marauders’ Map, decorated with Remus’ drawings and his well-practised calligraphy. _

_ His first kiss with Marlene McKinnon in third year, messy and fumbling and, quite frankly, awful. _

_ The Hogwarts Express again, this time i’m at the start of their fourth year, when Moony had to duck his head to fit under the doorframe of the compartment because, ‘Merlin’s beard, you haven’t half grown!’ _

_ James’ first of many Valentine’s Day schemes to get Evans to go out with him, which almost always ended with him on the table in the Great Hall, belting out the lyrics to an epic love ballad.  _

_Transforming into Padfoot for the first time and feeling such a surge of power and adrenaline that he wondered why everyone didn’t become an animagus._

_ The first time he noticed how Moony’s eyelashes brush his cheek as he looks down at his notes, and how if he looked closely enough, he could probably pick out the canis major in the freckles that dotted his nose. _

_ James giving the Marauders one of his famed pep talks at the start of fifth year: “Listen up, fellas - if Lily is ever going to give me a chance, she needs to see me taking things more seriously! So...we have to revise this year,” to which Peter had responded by throwing a sandwich at his head. _

_ Studying in the library late into the night with Remus, hardly focusing on their work and stealing nervous glances at each other over their history of magic notes. _

_ The Incident. _

_ Feeling so guilty that he thought his heart might explode, crying himself to sleep every night for weeks, things Getting Bad again, missing Moony, trying to avoid his eyes, and wishing more than anything that he wasn’t such a fucking idiot. _

_ Remus leaning over and asking Sirius to pass him a quill, a small but significant step toward redemption. _

_ Sitting and acing his O.W.Ls, if he may say so himself. _

_ Prongs racing into the common room, Lily at his tail, and screaming, ‘SHE SNOGGED ME!’ _

_ Deciding that enough was enough, and running away from home in the black of the night, leaving his brother behind to fend for himself. Telling himself that, ‘He’ll be okay. He was always tougher than me, our Reg.’ _

_ James reaching Breaking Point during the summer before 6th year and resorting to locking his two friends in the master bedroom until they had sorted this silly spat. _

_ Talking for hours with the person who mattered more than anything about why he did it, how he would never do it again, how sorry he was. _

_ Remus reaching out to intertwine their fingers and pressing their lips together softly. _

_ Kissing him for longer than was probably appropriate. _

_ Seeing Regulus for the first time at Hogwarts that September, apologising with eyes and praying he got the message. _

_ Laughing and drinking with his friends for the next two years, sitting (and acing) his N.E.W.Ts, telling James that, ‘I don’t really fancy girls. I fancy blokes, well one bloke - Moony, I fancy Moony.’  _

_ Leaving Hogwarts after all that time, learning what it means to move on from something you loved so much. _

_ Immediately buying a flat with Remus and being happier than he could ever remember, albeit rather disappointed that Prongs had decided him and Evans needed their own space - whatever that meant. _

_ Receiving a letter from his mother and feeling his stomach drop as the words, ‘Your brother is dead.’ swam before his eyes.  _

_ Not going to the funeral because she would be there. Regretting it forever. _

_ The Marauders banding together once more to organise the best engagement party, stag do (winks) and wedding reception of all time. _

_ Proposing to Remus in their hotel room after the wedding and despite all of his flaws, all of his obvious anger issues, receiving a yes. _

_ Learning just a few short years later exactly what James had meant, a surprise beyond measure in the form of a baby bump.  _

_ James pulling his best friend of 9 years to one side at the baby shower and asking him, in a hushed voice, whether he would be Godfather. Shamelessly bursting into tears and shouting, ‘YES’ at the top of his lungs, attracting the eyes of everyone in the room, although when had that ever stopped Sirius Black? _

_ 31st July, 1980 - the best day of his life so far, much to his fiancé’s chagrin. Harry James Potter. _

_ Holding baby Harry in his arms as he slept. _

_ Riding his motorbike with Remus’ arms wrapped tightly around his waist over the London skyline. _

_ Spending weeks on end alone while the love of his life consorted with the enemy. Paranoia. _

_ 31st October, 1981. The knock on the door. Albus Dumbledore’s pale face in the on the other side. The pain. Harry. The tears. Harry. The guilt. Harry. Remus. Harry. _

_ Only seeing red for the next twenty-four hours and suddenly being faced with The Rat, knowing he had to do something, anything. Pettigrew had to pay. _

_ Laughing like a maniac as he was thrown into his cell in Azkaban because Peter would be caught soon and he’d be out of here in no time.  _

_ Finding the strength to finally escape after twelve years because Peter was at Hogwarts and there was going to be hell if he touched a hair on Harry’s head.  _

_ The cold sea drenching him and tangling his matted fur to the point of excruciating pain, but the thought of seeing his Harry pushing him through it.  _

_ Seeing Harry for the first time on Magnolia Crescent and trying not to cry because he looks so grown up, so much like James. _

_ Seeing Remus again for the first time from afar, hoping he didn’t recognise Padfoot because he could handle the hate and disgust from anyone - anyone but Him.  _

_ Breaking into Hogwarts and coming across the Fat Lady once more, begging her to let him into the place he once called Home. Her refusing vehemently, threatening to call for the Headmaster.  _

_ Hiding in Hogsmeade and, as Padfoot, begging strangers for any scrap of food.  _

_Finally being successful in entering the Gryffindor Common Room and wondering how long it had been. Standing over the youngest Weasley boy whose pet rat had taken everything from him, knife in hand, ready to stab the rodent to death._

_Reuniting with Remus and, with one exchanged look, knowing that Moony had forgiven him, believed him, even after so many years._

_ Seeing Harry properly for the first time and begging him to believe the truth of what really happened in the days after James and Lily were murdered, trying to stay calm while staring at James’ mini-me with Lily’s eyes.  _

_ Asking his godson to live with him after he gets his name cleaned and feeling real happiness when he said yes. _

_ Visiting Godric’s Hollow as Padfoot and telling James and Lily how wonderful their son was, how much they would’ve loved him and vowing to protect him at all costs.  _

_ Feeling like he failed when Harry was entered into the Triwizard Tournament.  _

_ Wishing more than anything that he could be there in the stands, cheering his godson on as he proved every naysayer wrong and looked remarkably like James while doing it.  _

_ Relishing in the presence of Harry and his friends, the only people, beside Remus, to know that he was innocent and love him.  _

_ Wanting more than anything to take his godson in his arms and remove his pain because Voldemort was back and no one, not even the Dark Lord himself, was going to separate them again. _

_ Going back to Grimmauld Place for the first time in twenty years with his Moony and feeling the bad memories creeping back. _

_ Remus helping him through the initial shock with caresses and kisses under silk sheets.  _

_ Secretly hoping that Harry is expelled from Hogwarts and hating himself for it.  _

_ Having to remind himself that Harry is Not James and that James wouldn’t approve of his reckless attitude regarding his only son. _

_ Remus coming by Grimmauld Place at least twice a week to be with him because they had thirteen years to catch up on.  _

_ Looking after the Weasley children while Arthur was in St. Mungo’s. Staring at Harry, with much-too-large bags under his eyes, and wondering how much sleep he’d been getting.  _

_ Everyone being at Grimmauld Place for Christmas and him screaming the lyrics to God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriff while Remus shook his head with a chuckle.  _

_ Giving Harry his mirror so that they could communicate with no interceptions and absentmindedly waiting for his godson’s voice calling for him every day.  _

_ Finding out that Kreacher had lied to Harry and sent him to the Ministry.  _

_ Silently begging Remus to protect Harry the way he never got the chance to. _

He almost dodged the curse. Almost. It’s true what they say, you know, about your life flashing before your eyes when you die. 


End file.
